This story is dedicated to MykeNukem.
I think I speak for everyone when I say thanks Myke for all that you do.
This is now quickly becoming my online hangout.
Hopefully that's a good thing.
And to the writers of ATS...
Wish you were here.
He had driven throughout the night and well into the next morning. Andrew's mind was racing in an utter state of confusion even as the Dodge was cruising along patiently towards his destination.
It was a messy divorce. The feeling of betrayal hit home twice as hard when he discovered that he was the 3rd wheel between his wife and his best friend.
But it was when his two teenage daughters announced that they were "going with mom" that he truly felt alone and abandoned for the first time in his entire life. They don't call it the depths of despair for nothing. There's definitely levels to it.
Some concepts can only be understood completely by experiencing them firsthand. He knew this to be truth since the day he became a father for the first time.
The little church came into view. It had been 30 years since he set foot in the building but it looked like the vestiges of time mercifully left the structure untouched.
A simpler time. A time when all was right through the eyes of a child.
Perhaps the vestiges of time would return that which it took from him. Impossible notions were his soothing speciality, he thought to himself.
He parked the Dodge on the side of the road.
The brick walkway leading up to the entrance elicited a deep nostalgia inside of him, a palpable feeling of personal history.
His mind quieted down almost instantly as he stepped inside the foyer.
The doors opening up to the nave, through grace of God alone were unlocked.
Andrew proceeded halfway down the aisle before he decided to take a seat.
He was alone in the building, it seemed.
He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. And he waited.
A distinct feeling of being watched came over him, and he opened his eyes to identify the source.
"I'm sorry, I thought there would be no one else around." A woman's voice. Soft. Educated. Fragile.
"No please, do not leave on my account . The Lord is with us wherever 2 or 3 are gathered in His name."
He turned around and saw a woman dressed in black, eyes bloodshot and holding a handkerchief.
A widow most likely, he surmised.
She stood there considering the invitation for a few seconds before proceeding down the aisle and sat down in the pew across the aisle from him.
"Lucy", she managed as she blew her nose.
"Andrew" he said, "Pleased to meet you."
She took in the weariness etched onto his face and sniffed as she offered: "It looks as if we are here for the same reasons."
"I'm not so sure."
"Neither am I, which is why I decided to come here."
"Then yes."
He turned his head back and stared in front of him. He suddenly wished he had said nothing instead, and perhaps then he could sit and contemplate in silence.
Now, it felt like an impossibility.
"Doubt is the hammer with which we ultimately sharpen our faith, I'm told". The sadness palpable in her voice. "Lately, I'm not so sure about that."
"Can't have one without the other." He offered.
Andrew took stock of the situation. "Is this a test?", he thought. Do I resolve my own dilemma if I find the answers to her troubles?
Only one way to find out.
"What seems to be challenging your faith then?"
"I've been struggling with several concepts as of late, and I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.... But I feel like I've intruded upon your privacy. I don't want to be any bother..."
The little voice in his head almost took her up on her implied offer to leave him alone but he found himself reassuring her that it was no bother at all.
She looked at him for some final reassurance, and then she began.
"I believe that we are made in God's image and therefore the aspects of my faith, compassion, courage and wisdom are qualities that are bestowed upon us through His grace..."
"... but when I think of compassion it feels like a purely human quality. I know that sounds silly and even blasphemous. I apologize. Let me just blow my nose again. Sorry."
He waited, not sure where this was going.
She began. " I understand compassion to be a profound empathy that flows from the depths of our... mortal hearts. It is intertwined with the awareness of a shared vulnerability. It is nurtured by the understanding of the briefness of life, how we as living beings are all interconnected through suffering as a universal experience.
And yet, in the realm where Gods, angels and demons dwell, time knows no boundaries and wounds heal easily.
Would that not seem an insurmountable challenge for compassion to you?
How can they truly comprehend the depths of suffering, the urgency of alleviating pain and the transformative power of empathy if they are completely removed from the essence of mortality?
It therefore becomes a difficult truth that it is due to the transient nature of life that compassion finds its essence.
It guides us to live with a deeper purpose, understanding and a profound commitment to alleviate the sorrows that touch all sentient beings."
" I'm sorry what is it that you do for a living? " He was genuinely curious.
A brief smile skipped across her lips.
" I... I teach philosophy to undeserving brats... ".
A little laugh escaped him.
" Ahhh. Well that makes sense... You mentioned courage and...? "
" Wisdom. "
" Have you ever wondered how an immortal being perceived courage?"
"Can't say that I have."
"Immortality to me speaks of invulnerability and everlasting life." She continued.
"It whispers promises of perpetual safety, shielding us from the inherent risks and uncertainties that accompany our earthly fragility. Does courage have a home in heaven?"
"Again, the conditions where courage seems to sprout and put down roots are fertilized with the awareness of the brevity of life."
"We are therefore able to rise above our fears, to confront the unknown, and to embrace the transformative qualities of change and through that, growth.
Compare that to stagnation, of a life lived in a perpetual state of comfort and sameness."
"Courage thrives because of the knowledge that life is short, compels us through a fleeting moment to take risks and leads to self-discovery."
"Courage is the ultimate test of our nature and our willingness to live and die for our ideals."
Andrew listened. This wasn't helping at all. Then he remembered hearing how certain beings were jealous of humans for well, being human.
"You'd make a great trial lawyer, but I'm curious to hear how you prescribe wisdom to people over an immortal being."
"In my defense, your Honor.." she tried to lighten the mood with a wry smile.
"Doesn't wisdom reveal itself due to there being consequences to our actions and because we only get this one opportunity at life which promotes urgency while a lifetime is so short in the big scheme of things?"
"Is it not this very time limit that creates an urgency for deeper understanding of ourselves and the world we inhabit?"
"Is it not wisdom that navigates us to experience this life, learning from the joys and the sorrows that cross our paths?"
"Wisdom is not a mountain peak faraway in the distance. It is the ongoing pursuit of insights and comprehension that allows us to achieve a better outcome of our actions."
Andrew sat with his head in his hands.
"Age does bring wisdom, so they say."
Perhaps his role was simply to provide a willing ear, and not to offer any solutions?
He didn't think he was able to anyway and presently his reasons for coming here felt completely usurped.
The church bell tolled 11 times.
He raised his head. Lucy was no longer there.... Did she leave amidst the cacophony that reminded him that it was nearly lunchtime?
He got up and walked back to the foyer.
Not here either... He turned around and looked back to where they were seated previously.
Not a soul in site.
As he turned to leave he spotted a guest book lying on a table in the middle of the foyer.
He picked up the pen lying beside it when the last two entries caught his eye.
10:23 A. Christian
10:26 L. Ferr
He slowly stood up straight. His eyes were moving left then right then left again as first a realization, then a sudden wave of relief washed away the weight on his shoulders.
His doubt had completely vanished.
He felt himself walking with a newfound purpose.
"Can't have one without the other" he said to both of them as he got into the Dodge.
His path was clear, his destination would soon reveal itself.
Andrew Christian was going home.
I think I speak for everyone when I say thanks Myke for all that you do.
This is now quickly becoming my online hangout.
Hopefully that's a good thing.
And to the writers of ATS...
Wish you were here.
He had driven throughout the night and well into the next morning. Andrew's mind was racing in an utter state of confusion even as the Dodge was cruising along patiently towards his destination.
It was a messy divorce. The feeling of betrayal hit home twice as hard when he discovered that he was the 3rd wheel between his wife and his best friend.
But it was when his two teenage daughters announced that they were "going with mom" that he truly felt alone and abandoned for the first time in his entire life. They don't call it the depths of despair for nothing. There's definitely levels to it.
Some concepts can only be understood completely by experiencing them firsthand. He knew this to be truth since the day he became a father for the first time.
The little church came into view. It had been 30 years since he set foot in the building but it looked like the vestiges of time mercifully left the structure untouched.
A simpler time. A time when all was right through the eyes of a child.
Perhaps the vestiges of time would return that which it took from him. Impossible notions were his soothing speciality, he thought to himself.
He parked the Dodge on the side of the road.
The brick walkway leading up to the entrance elicited a deep nostalgia inside of him, a palpable feeling of personal history.
His mind quieted down almost instantly as he stepped inside the foyer.
The doors opening up to the nave, through grace of God alone were unlocked.
Andrew proceeded halfway down the aisle before he decided to take a seat.
He was alone in the building, it seemed.
He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. And he waited.
A distinct feeling of being watched came over him, and he opened his eyes to identify the source.
"I'm sorry, I thought there would be no one else around." A woman's voice. Soft. Educated. Fragile.
"No please, do not leave on my account . The Lord is with us wherever 2 or 3 are gathered in His name."
He turned around and saw a woman dressed in black, eyes bloodshot and holding a handkerchief.
A widow most likely, he surmised.
She stood there considering the invitation for a few seconds before proceeding down the aisle and sat down in the pew across the aisle from him.
"Lucy", she managed as she blew her nose.
"Andrew" he said, "Pleased to meet you."
She took in the weariness etched onto his face and sniffed as she offered: "It looks as if we are here for the same reasons."
"I'm not so sure."
"Neither am I, which is why I decided to come here."
"Then yes."
He turned his head back and stared in front of him. He suddenly wished he had said nothing instead, and perhaps then he could sit and contemplate in silence.
Now, it felt like an impossibility.
"Doubt is the hammer with which we ultimately sharpen our faith, I'm told". The sadness palpable in her voice. "Lately, I'm not so sure about that."
"Can't have one without the other." He offered.
Andrew took stock of the situation. "Is this a test?", he thought. Do I resolve my own dilemma if I find the answers to her troubles?
Only one way to find out.
"What seems to be challenging your faith then?"
"I've been struggling with several concepts as of late, and I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.... But I feel like I've intruded upon your privacy. I don't want to be any bother..."
The little voice in his head almost took her up on her implied offer to leave him alone but he found himself reassuring her that it was no bother at all.
She looked at him for some final reassurance, and then she began.
"I believe that we are made in God's image and therefore the aspects of my faith, compassion, courage and wisdom are qualities that are bestowed upon us through His grace..."
"... but when I think of compassion it feels like a purely human quality. I know that sounds silly and even blasphemous. I apologize. Let me just blow my nose again. Sorry."
He waited, not sure where this was going.
She began. " I understand compassion to be a profound empathy that flows from the depths of our... mortal hearts. It is intertwined with the awareness of a shared vulnerability. It is nurtured by the understanding of the briefness of life, how we as living beings are all interconnected through suffering as a universal experience.
And yet, in the realm where Gods, angels and demons dwell, time knows no boundaries and wounds heal easily.
Would that not seem an insurmountable challenge for compassion to you?
How can they truly comprehend the depths of suffering, the urgency of alleviating pain and the transformative power of empathy if they are completely removed from the essence of mortality?
It therefore becomes a difficult truth that it is due to the transient nature of life that compassion finds its essence.
It guides us to live with a deeper purpose, understanding and a profound commitment to alleviate the sorrows that touch all sentient beings."
" I'm sorry what is it that you do for a living? " He was genuinely curious.
A brief smile skipped across her lips.
" I... I teach philosophy to undeserving brats... ".
A little laugh escaped him.
" Ahhh. Well that makes sense... You mentioned courage and...? "
" Wisdom. "
" Have you ever wondered how an immortal being perceived courage?"
"Can't say that I have."
"Immortality to me speaks of invulnerability and everlasting life." She continued.
"It whispers promises of perpetual safety, shielding us from the inherent risks and uncertainties that accompany our earthly fragility. Does courage have a home in heaven?"
"Again, the conditions where courage seems to sprout and put down roots are fertilized with the awareness of the brevity of life."
"We are therefore able to rise above our fears, to confront the unknown, and to embrace the transformative qualities of change and through that, growth.
Compare that to stagnation, of a life lived in a perpetual state of comfort and sameness."
"Courage thrives because of the knowledge that life is short, compels us through a fleeting moment to take risks and leads to self-discovery."
"Courage is the ultimate test of our nature and our willingness to live and die for our ideals."
Andrew listened. This wasn't helping at all. Then he remembered hearing how certain beings were jealous of humans for well, being human.
"You'd make a great trial lawyer, but I'm curious to hear how you prescribe wisdom to people over an immortal being."
"In my defense, your Honor.." she tried to lighten the mood with a wry smile.
"Doesn't wisdom reveal itself due to there being consequences to our actions and because we only get this one opportunity at life which promotes urgency while a lifetime is so short in the big scheme of things?"
"Is it not this very time limit that creates an urgency for deeper understanding of ourselves and the world we inhabit?"
"Is it not wisdom that navigates us to experience this life, learning from the joys and the sorrows that cross our paths?"
"Wisdom is not a mountain peak faraway in the distance. It is the ongoing pursuit of insights and comprehension that allows us to achieve a better outcome of our actions."
Andrew sat with his head in his hands.
"Age does bring wisdom, so they say."
Perhaps his role was simply to provide a willing ear, and not to offer any solutions?
He didn't think he was able to anyway and presently his reasons for coming here felt completely usurped.
The church bell tolled 11 times.
He raised his head. Lucy was no longer there.... Did she leave amidst the cacophony that reminded him that it was nearly lunchtime?
He got up and walked back to the foyer.
Not here either... He turned around and looked back to where they were seated previously.
Not a soul in site.
As he turned to leave he spotted a guest book lying on a table in the middle of the foyer.
He picked up the pen lying beside it when the last two entries caught his eye.
10:23 A. Christian
10:26 L. Ferr
He slowly stood up straight. His eyes were moving left then right then left again as first a realization, then a sudden wave of relief washed away the weight on his shoulders.
His doubt had completely vanished.
He felt himself walking with a newfound purpose.
"Can't have one without the other" he said to both of them as he got into the Dodge.
His path was clear, his destination would soon reveal itself.
Andrew Christian was going home.
